


One Part Lonely

by noumenon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-30
Updated: 2012-05-30
Packaged: 2017-11-06 06:39:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noumenon/pseuds/noumenon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was fairly simple, Karkat wanted to be alone.<br/>Dave wasn't about to let that happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Part Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah this is a fairly early attempt at writing. it's not my first fic ever but certainly the first one I actually liked. so if anyone has some constructive criticism I'd be glad to hear it out.  
> I'd also like to say I beta'd this myself so there may be typos I missed, if you see any you can go ahead and point them out.  
> Lastly, I posted this on tumblr forever ago, but now that I have an ao3 I'm gonna put it up here.

It was just another day for Karkat Vantas, coming home to nobody. His father had to work, like always. It’s not like Karkat could really complain though, that’d be such a dick move on his part. Being a single father wasn’t easy and he knew it.

Karkat let his backpack slide off and clamor the floor, not in any sort of mood to care about the safety of its contents. Coming to home to an empty house like this was just a reminder of who used to be here, and that always got Karkat in a bad mood. He took a few feet forward, glancing pointlessly around the kitchen, scowling, before giving up and storming outside.

A few blocks down was a small community park, and that’s where the teen ended up. It used to be a nice park, but like the kids in the neighborhood, it got old. It was empty and cold, but at the same time it was perfect. Or at least, for Karkat is was. A great compliment to how he was already feeling. He liked it there, just sitting and being alone. Most days he would take the swing. It was a bit rusted in places, but it still held strong. Karkat would just sit down, swing his legs, and be alone.

Though this time, he was less alone than he would have liked.

“Yo.” came an irritatingly familiar voice from behind.

“What on God’s green earth could you possibly want?” Karkat grumbled as soon as he recognized the voice, though he didn’t move to look at the newcomer.

“Does a guy have to want something to hang out at a park?” Dave said nonchalantly as he took the swing next to Karkat’s, the metal chains holding the seat squeaking obnoxiously as he did.

“Go away, Strider.”

Rather than actually listen to the angry boy, Dave reached out and ruffled his hair. The natural course of events followed and Karkat slapped his hand down. “I said go away!” he repeated, louder this time. “I want to be alone.”

Dave just rolled his eyes, not that it could be seen behind his shades. “Come on dude, I may only somewhat know you from whenever we’re both hanging with John, but I can tell that when you’re like you’re probably two parts pissy and one part lonely. What kind of person would I be to just leave you alone when you’re feeling like that?”

“I can’t be certain without looking over my checklist of traits for such a situation such as this, but if I had to guess I’d say a person like you. You’re not my friend. I don’t like you. You don’t like me. Don’t try to pretend that you do now.”

A sigh escaped the other teen’s lips. “I get it; we don’t get along yada yada. Cant’ say I blame you for not liking me, I’m not exactly the nicest person on earth. But that doesn’t mean I can stand to see people looking so down.”

“So I’m ‘down’? What do you know? Parks are fun; for all you know I’m having fun here.” Karkat crossed his arms, still not looking at Dave.

“Vantas you are so far down in the dumps the weight of the garbage on top of you is turning you into compost at an alarming rate. You are down further than the pantline on the overage whiteboy rapper wannabe. In other words, you’re downright depressed.”

“Even if I were, keyword being ‘if’, depressed, that doesn’t explain why you’d be here. Just because we’re both friends with John or whatever your justification centers around, it doesn’t mean we actually have get along and bring the other a goddamn comfort blanket when they’re feeling like shit. Despite hanging around each other from time to time we are not ‘friends by association’ or some other form of bullshittery. And it should probably stay that way.”

Dave opened his mouth, looking like he was about to spit out another witty retort, but then he just sighed.

Karkat was almost surprised when Dave just stood up and walked away, leaving him only with a “Whatever you say, Vantas.”

As to why that came as any sort of surprise to Karkat, he couldn’t say. Part of him thought maybe Dave would try harder, press harder against his barriers. But of course not.

Good riddance.

He should have known better. If his mother taught him anything it’s that everybody leaves.

Eventually.

 

 

It was a few weeks before Karkat next felt the need to go to the park to sit alone. Sitting there again, Karkat couldn’t stop himself from remembering the last time he was here, and the way Dave acted. He tried to push the thought away, but pushing it away only makes it take center stage in his already crowded mind. Dave had been trying, but Karkat knew better than to fall for that sort of thing. A clear charade, and the following days at school worked to prove that. Dave still treated him the same, which is to say, he was still a complete and utter douche. He was still making fun of his height, still poked fun at him in front of other friends. He was still the same Dave.

Dave has always been that way and it’s not something that would change. Or was he trying to change? Karkat couldn’t tell. Did he just care for once? Of course not, that was preposterous. Dave was an obnoxious prick, and that’s something Karkat knew to be true. So why did he seem sincere? Karkat shook the thought away. Of course he wasn’t sincere. Resident cool kid blonde tool who wore shades inside to be cool Dave Strider, was not sincere about caring about Karkat Vantas.

Karkat knew Dave was out there sometimes, him trying to be nice was probably just him being weird. Because Dave was weird. He was just the kind of person that only some people can really handle. He may look cool on the outside to some, but really he was just insufferable. The main person who manages to stand his obnoxious tendencies is John Egbert, but that hardly counted. John and Karkat had been pretty close, and Karkat was an ass. But that never really mattered to John because he brushed everything under the rug of “I know him, and I know that he doesn’t mean it.” even though in reality the person is a tremendous pile of shit. John was just friends with everyone.

Except it’s not like that between Dave and John. They hang out, and Karkat proves how big of a douche he can be. When John and Dave hang out, they’re real friends. They stay up all night playing video games and watching movies. They’re not like Karkat and John, so it can’t be said that John is just okay with Dave with because he’s nice.

Besides that John is a bit of an ass to Dave himself from time to time.

There’s really nothing to be said about the two. The John-is-just-nice argument is out the door.

So what then? The whole train of thought was for naught. What did it prove?

‘Maybe Dave was sincere.’ A small part of Karkat whispered in his head. He quickly brushed off the thought, wishing he could do more to the ridiculous thought than just that. Of course Dave wasn’t sincere. That was established a long time ago!

There had to be a reason, though. That was still a thing in place. Dave did stop, and he did talk to Karkat, and he did try.

Karkat just couldn’t figure out why. Hell, he couldn’t even figure out why he cared! It was two weeks ago. In the past, should be forgotten. So why did it matter?

He tried not to dwell, fat load of good that was doing, and just sat there in the park. Alone.

There was a noticeable chill in the air that wasn’t there when he left home an hour ago, and while he did regret not bringing his favorite grey hoodie, he also didn’t care to rub his arms to keep warm. A little bite in the air wasn’t going to kill him.

A shiver worked its way up Karkat’s body and he cursed beneath his breath, no decipherable sound just a stream of white coming from his mouth. Another moment passed by before he worked through his pride and rubbed his arms in an attempt at warming them up.

Another few minutes passed and Karkat was still cold, but he didn’t care enough to do anything more. He grabbed hold of the chain, not caring to bother with rubbing his arms. It was barely working, so what the point? The only real thing he could do about the cold now would be to head home and there was no real reason to do that. There was nothing there for him. His dad was working, and even if he wasn’t it was just weird at times to be alone with him. He tried so hard to pick up where Karkat’s mom left off when he just seven, but it was never enough to fix anything. Things weren’t going to get better. The wound may have healed but it was still there as a scar, and it still hurt.

So he stayed.

Karkat shivered again. It was too cold to be out here. His hands were completely numb, long since drained of all feeling from the icy chill of the metal he was gripping.

As he settled back into the cold after his onslaught of unwanted speculation, he could just barely hear the sound of mulch crunching as somebody walked on it. The noise barely registered though, and Karkat didn’t turn around. Or at least, not until he felt somebody drape a jacket over his shoulders.

He whipped his head around, glaring at whoever came and interrupted his loneliness, and for the second time he was found himself being surprised at something so obvious.

“Strider?” Of course it was Dave. Who else would it be?

“At least you know the names of some things, since you clearly didn’t know the name of the freaking season, which is winter, in case you were curious. And winter means to everybody except for you apparently that you shouldn’t be sitting alone like an asshole without a jacket.” There was a low grinding of cold metal as the chain holding up the second swing next to Karkat was pulled tight under the new weight.

There was a moment of silence before Dave spoke up again. “What are you doing hanging out here?”

Karkat didn’t answer, just stared at the tree in front of him. This was really too much. Part of him wanted Dave to stay, at the very least so he could find out why he was here. Though he was pretty sure Dave was just bored, so what would be the point of telling him anything? It’s not like he cared.

Another few seconds of silence passed before Karkat finally answered. “I could ask you the same thing. You’re even going against your own stupid advice, you hypocrite. You’re not wearing a jacket while being an asshole in winter.”

“Well duh. I gave it to you.” He said it with a tone that made it sound like it should have been so painfully obvious that this was a perfect excuse. It made Karkat want to hit him.

Karkat didn’t say anything, hoping that maybe if he didn’t talk Strider would just leave. Part of him wanted to knock the bright red jacket to the found, but that would be not only completely pointless but also pretty high up on the list of dumbass things to do when you’re freezing your ass off. Despite Karkat’s dislike for Dave, it was a nice coat

It was a nice gesture, too.

Karkat quickly pushed that thought away. This was Strider, after all. Why would he care? This was probably something he cooked up in this enigmatic mind as a show of one-upmanship. See look? I can be nicer than you even when I don’t like the person.

Unlikely, but easier to swallow than the idea that Dave cared.

Rather than being deterred by my lack of speaking, Dave just laughed. “I didn’t realize you had a silence setting. I thought your nobs were stuck on full volume.”

“I’m seriously contemplating purchasing a muzzle for you.” Karkat snapped.

“So what’s wrong? You still haven’t told me.” Dave asked, completely unfazed.

“Well for one you’re here, that’s enough to bring anyone down. I mean really, I was enjoying sitting here alone like a forever alone shitface, but then you came around and now I can’t do that right. Thanks a lot.”

“Only you, Vantas. Only you could sound pathetically alone and completely pissed off at the same time.” Dave said lightheartedly, as if there were all some sort of joke.

“I really hate you sometimes.” Karkat mumbled, his voice coming out quieter than he wanted. “Strike that, I hate you all the time.” He added, hoping that sentiment would regain whatever his tone lost.

“Ouch, why must you hurt me so?” Dave said with mock distress, clutching his chest.

“Especially after I gave you my jacket. That’s a pretty sweet coat, too. Though I got to say that it doesn’t look as good on you as it does on me. But don’t worry, that’s the sort of thing that’s going to be true for everyone. Not everyone can look this hot.” He struck a pose, which really looked just ridiculous since he was still sitting in the swing.

“Not everyone can be so supercilious either.” Karkat retorted. Why wouldn’t he just leave?

“It’s a gift.” Dave said, reaching out to give Karkat a soft nudge. “Now what’s up? This is the second time I’ve found here being two parts pissy one part lonely. If that doesn’t mean anything I don’t know what does.”

“It means nothing that you have any right to know.” A jolt of pain shot of from his hands. They weren’t as numb as he though. His knuckles were white and his hands red where he was gripping the chain too tightly. “Just go away. Leave me alone.” he grumbled, cramming his hands in his pockets to warm them up.

“If you still haven’t realized that that isn’t going to happen then you’re not as smart as you like to believe you are.” There was a pause, as if he thought Karkat might randomly pick that moment to tear down his walls and confide in him. Fat chance, Strider.

“Anyways, I gave you my jacket. I think that earns me something considering it’s cold as fuck out here.”

“You can take your jacket back. That’s a fan-fucking-tastic ‘something’ if you ask me.”

“Aw you like my jacket.”

“That is not what I meant!” Karkat glared at the tree directly in front of him, still not wanting to look at Dave.

Dave chuckled and wrapped an arm around Karkat’s shoulders, which proved to be awkward on swings. “Come on Vantas. It’s not healthy to keep things bottled up.”

“I just feel like crap, okay? Happy now?” Karkat told him, raising his voice. He wasn’t sure how much long he’d be able to hold up like this. Being alone was easy, but being with people was hard. They asked questioned and tried to get close, but Karkat just wanted to hide. Deep down though, there was still a nagging voice telling him to just give up and tell him.

“What do you care anyways?” Karkat said after Dave didn’t respond.

Dave just shrugged. “I don’t like seeing anyone look so down.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “That’s not even true. It’s never bothered you before. You’ve always been a huge dick to me at school and never gave a single shit about the matter.”

Dave just smiled, still refusing to be phased. “Maybe,” he began, “I’m turning over a new leaf. It’s never too late to start being a kind person?”

“Ha. Don’t make me laugh.” he muttered, shoving his hand in his face and pushing him away. “The metaphorical tree is dead. There are no leaves left for you to turn over. They’ve all fallen to the ground to be raked up and jumped on by some little kid who may or may not have peed in the pile.”

Karkat’s wrist was pulled down by Dave, he didn’t move. “I want to help you, Karkat.”

This time Karkat did turn to look at Dave, staring at him for a moment that seemed to last forever, searching his face for any giveaways that he was lying. When he couldn’t find anything, Karkat looked down. He was actually beginning to believe that maybe Dave did care, at least a little bit.

Dave’s grip around Karkat’s shoulders tightened, and the two swings thumped together softly. In a matter of seconds Karkat found himself resting his head on Dave’s shoulder. “I just…” he stopped. He didn’t know what he was doing. Talking to Dave about this just seemed so ridiculous. It’s Strider! Why should he know any of this? “You know how I only have my dad, right?” Well it looks like Karkat’s mouth decided to keep talking despite the logical protests of his mind.

He glanced over to see if Dave was still following, and continued as he saw the boy nod. “She’s not dead. That’s…what I usually tell people, but it’s not true.” Right now Karkat really wished he could rip those shades off Dave’s face, just to see if he was having any sort of reaction to this. It probably wouldn’t help, though. The guy had a killer poker face.

“Sometimes I wish she had died, not in a ‘I hate her so much way’ just… That sort of thing wouldn’t hurt as much. Maybe then I’d have fonder memories of her, you know? But she just…left.” Tears welled up behind his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but it wasn’t working. “She just left.” He repeated as a single tear fell down his cheek. “But that’s not even the worst part.” A dry laugh managed to work its way through his throat. “That night before she left she even told me…She told me that me and my dad were just mistakes to her. And-”

“Stop.” Dave’s words were almost harsh, and Karkat almost pulled away at the tone. He opened his mouth to question the blonde, but Dave spoke first. “Don’t think about that sort of thing. That’s a shitty memory, alright, so don’t dwell on it. You’re a lot better than she ever gave you credit for, Karkat. She was a chump for not seeing that.”

Karkat didn’t respond. His brain couldn’t formulate any sort of responses, so he just stayed there, head on Dave’s shoulder, crying like a little kid and slowly losing his dignity.

For some reason, he found himself not caring.

 

 

Only a week later Karkat showed up at the park again. Why he was there he didn’t quite know. It was just another day, really. There wasn’t any real reason for him to be there. If he were to honest with himself he’d know the reason. It wasn’t that hard to figure out.

He sat down on his usual swing, kicking his legs just a bit.

It didn’t take too long for the inevitable to happen and for Strider to greet him, wrapped an arm around Karkat’s shoulder and using his free hand to mess up the boy’s dark hair, causing Karkat to swear loudly at him. Dave smirked and took a seat on the seat next to him.

“You don’t seem so down in the dumps today, Vantas. Did you crawl you way out just to see me?” He asked, that stupid condescending smirk on his face.

“I don’t have to be feeling like crap to come here, Strider.” It wasn’t really denial, but it was certainly true. Dave didn’t seem to buy it.

“Hahah, right man. That’s why you come here so often.” He smirked, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“Fuck off.”

“I don’t think I will.”

A sort of half smile wormed its way onto Karkat’s face.

“So what are you doing here?” Dave asked, “Do you need a shoulder to cry on again?”

Karkat swiped at Dave’s face with his hand, only barely missing him, leading Dave to stifle a laugh. Karkat crossed his arms, pretending that didn’t happen. “You always ask me why I’m here but you’ve never told me why you come here.”

“I thought it was obvious. Clearly I’m stalking you.” It was pretty obvious that Dave was trying to not laugh as he said that.

Karkat leaned over and make another attempt at smacking him, this time succeeding. “You’re an idiot.”

“Right, because you’re totally the person to say that.” Dave smirked, moving away and taking a seat next to Karkat.

“I’m smarter than you.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Karkat opened his mouth to point out that he didn’t actually sleep, before deciding that that wasn’t something Dave needed to know. “I hold that knowledge closer than a baby holds their blankie.”

“You do know I’m picturing you cuddling a blankie now, right?”

“There is so much wrong with you Strider. I couldn’t list it all if I had a week. ”

“Hey man you’re the one who said it.”

“And you’re the one with the creepy mind.”

Dave rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say. But this snapshot is my new mental background.”

Karkat made a face at Dave and they both stayed silent for a few seconds.

“So where’s Sollux in all this?” Dave asked after another uncomfortable second of silence.

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t he your best friend?”

“No shit. He’s practically my brother.”

“Then why didn’t you go to him last week?”

Karkat paused. “I didn’t want to bother him. I mean like I said, he’s practically my brother, so he’s already heard that shit too many times. And unlike you he doesn’t have time to stalk me when I’m feeling down, so he usually just lets me stay alone until I figure things out on my own or he’ll open his door when I break down too far to fix on my own.”

“So basically I fucked up your cycle?”

“Basically, yeah. You better go write up an apology to Sollux. He loves dealing with my bullshit after all.”

Dave feigned worry, “Oh no! I’ll get started on that right away. I’ll have to borrow some stationary from Rose.”

“Damn right you will.” Karkat agreed, almost smiling.

 

And that’s how their meetings went for a while.

 

 

After the next couple meet-ups in the park, the meetings became a schedule. They would meet up every week now, on the unspoken agreed upon day of Tuesday.

Not only were they meeting up more, but Dave was treating Karkat differently at school, too. It was a slower change, but it definitely happened. John clearly saw it too, and was so glad that two of his best friends were finally getting along. Karkat was pretty sure John didn’t understand the depth of the change, but it’s not like Karkat was quite sure of what was happening either.

All that really mattered was that things were pretty decent.

 

 

It was Valentine’s Day. So corny, right? And it happened to fall on Tuesday, so there Karkat was, sitting on a park swing waiting for Dave to show up.

Dave must have been trying to be quiet, because Karkat didn’t notice him coming up from behind. All he saw was a pair of hands before they covered his eyes.

“Give me the goods or this could get messy.” the person said, obviously making their voice sound more gruff than natural.

“Get off Strider. I know it’s you.” Karkat said, rolling his eyes, thought the effect was lost so he instead smacked Dave’s arm. Dave let go, but rather than going to sit down like he usually does, he stayed behind Karkat, arms loosely hanging around his shoulders and holding something yellow in his hand.

“Isn’t it pretty pathetic to be sitting here alone on today of all days?” He asked. Karkat couldn’t see him but he knew full well the ass was smirking like the smug douche he was.

“I could say the same to you.”

“Oh shoosh. I’m not alone, you’re here.” Dave held the object in his hand up for Karkat to see.

Karkat stared at the item for a moment, a dandelion. “That’s a dandelion.”

“Yeah. It’s a flower.”

“It’s a weed.”

“It’s a flower and you’re ungrateful.” He tucked the dandelion behind Karkat’s ear then took up his usual seat.

Karkat considered knocking the dandelion out of his hair, but in the end he didn’t. Why give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothered him? At least that’s what Karkat told himself.

Dave flashed him his stupid coolkid smile. “So what’s up?”

Karkat shrugged. “Nothing really. What a waste of a day. The only good thing is cheap candy tomorrow.”

Dave tapped Karkat’s leg with his foot. “Don’t be so pessimistic. The day’s only just begun.”

“It’s the afternoon. The day began hours ago. Ergo, that phrase is so full of bullshit I can smell it from here. Today is almost over.”

“What the hell did I just say about pessimism?"

Karkat reached out and pushed Dave in his swing.

“So you’re not two parts pissy one part lonely anymore, right?” He asked, tapping Karkat’s leg with his foot again to make sure he couldn’t get ignored.

“Why do you keep saying that? It’s not even a good line.”

Dave just grinned. “Because it’s not a good line, it’s a great line. And you didn’t answer me.”

Karkat stuck out his tongue. “Maybe only one, one and a half parts pissy.” And definitely not lonely, though he wasn’t about ready to say that.

Being around Dave, he didn’t feel like he had to be alone anymore.


End file.
